You Might Be Skeptical about the Claims I Made in the First Post ...

Actually you should be, if you have any wisdom in you. Dr. Revella Levin herself would be skeptical. She requires several years to cure someone of their schizophrenia, and to untangle all their mental problems and after all that they enter from psychosis into neurosis and need several more years of therapy to become completely noraml. How can an ignorant upstart cure himself just by reading one book and in less than four months? What's more preposterous is that he claims that he has cured his neurosis, too. In my defense, I said "for the most part."

Of course, I would love it if someone (including myself) called me a genius of sorts and sewed up my wounded ego that way, patted me on the back, and sent me on my way. But that seeming explanation would only raise other questions: "If he is such a genius as he would like to be called, how come he became schizophrenic in the first place? Why couldn't he analyze and solve his own problems before they became serious enough to drive him crazy? Can loonies be geniuses? How can you call someone a genius with absolutely no achievements to their name? etc. etc."

Now that this issue of "being or becoming a genius" came up, first I'll have some explaining to do. When I was young (younger than 14, definitely), I read a book on genius and geniuses. I still remember the books cover, the author's name, some of the ideas discussed in the book including the connection between lunacy and genius, and some geniuses mentioned in it. That book made such a great impression on my young mind, that I decided I wanted to become a genius, someday. The idea of being and becoming a genius was so important to me that it featured in my hallucinations, too. My voices would call me a genius a moment, then a madman the next, and a fool after that. Having read about the possible connection between lunacy and genius, I somehow think that this idea of becoming a genius was so important to my humiliated and downtrodden ego that after having achieved practically nothing when a large part of my life had passed, I unconsciously decided to become a lunatic to achieve geniushood through an indirect route.

Let's return to the originial questions: Am I cured and if so, how can it happen so fast? I try to explain this issue, as far as I can understand it, here. First, I should mention that I am not completely cured. There are still some voices, but they are no longer that distressing and I am functional without medication. There is also some paranoia and grandiosity. You might say that this is temporary and that I will get worse and will need medication or therapy, soon. You might be right and if you are I will report on it on this blog. I have decided to publish the contents of my hallucinations and delusions on this blog, and encourage other loonies to do the same. Of course, for privacy's sake, they had better do it anonymously as I do.

Second, the content of my voices have been severely restricted to one specific issue since my original self-analysis, and they are practically saying the same thing over and over, but in variations: "Disgrace us", "He is going to disgrace us.", and "He has disgraced us." (I have omitted some details, I will write about them later.) Additionally, the voices are still alternatively calling me a genius, a madman, and a fool. You can see feelings of grandiosity jumping at you from these sentences. Apparently, lots and lots of worried people (a whole goverment in my delusions) are helplessly and powerlessly waiting to see whether I will finally disgrace them or not, while in true reality, nobody gives a d**m f**k what I am doing (sadly??? It is pleasant to feel important, having people nervously watch every little move you make and listen to your every single word and it causes suffering, too. While it soothes the wounded ego, it is also a huge imagined responsiblity and burden). I know exactly what the voices are referring to and what the voices represent. Well, I am gonna do exactly what the voices command me. I am going to disgrace them. Don't you worry. I am not going to do anything stupid, dangerous, illegal, violent, or even disgraceful. As a wise man once said, the cure for your voices is to find your own voice and your own truth. I am just going to talk and write. I am sure the remaining voices (the whole government 😉) will go away when I have properly disgraced them.

What will I do if I become floridly psychotic again? I will re-read Dr. Levin's book and re-self-analyze.

I digress a lot. How did I improve so much so quickly and why do I expect quick results in the future? I'm not sure about this, but I feel I have rather easy access to the subconscious and unconscious parts of my mind. It might seem impossible. But I feel this is what made me prone to psychosis in the first place, and what will save me eventually. I think it is not because I am special or a genius, but the physiological explanation could be sought in the fact that I am cross dominant. I think this feature/bug should be common among cross dominant people. Of course, this hypothesis can only be confirmed by proper research by neuroscientists and psychoanalysts. There, you have a research idea. Run along and write your grant proposal. See? Reading a loony's blog is not a complete waste of time after all.

I have more to say on this topic and others and how I am going to deal with my difficulties, if you're interested, but I guess that's enough for now. I'll keep you posted.

Analysis must go on.

My favorite actor and character from the Game of Thrones: Peter Dinklage (Tyrion Lannister). I'm going to write about Tyrion in future posts.

A loony's two cents. Please, write about your own loony experiences and how you deal with them in the comments, or if you prefer, start your own blog and leave the link in the comments so that we can learn from each other. I guess it is time we started our very own loony community. It's fun and therapeutic to write and interact. Thank you.