Melancholia

The voices are gone, but so is the psychic energy that I talked about in the first post, and so are the new-found dreams. After sobering up from the intoxication of having woken from a bad dream and having conquered the voices, the hard reality hit me that nobody gives a rat's ass about me or my existence (the grandiosity is gone, too), not even my wife and kids (yes, I was a high functioning schizophrenic), and that I have lost a large part of my life to the tricks my own mind played on me. This painful feeling was strengthened especially after my blog received no attention, contrary to what I expected. Were I to simply disappear from the world, no one would miss me. I am just another zero-impact nonentity with no achievements.

On the plus side, my mind is very calm, quiet, and clear and I have decided to improve my life and the lives of my family bit by small bit. I think I'll start by finding a better-paying job or trying to get a raise.

There is not much glamor in being a run-of-the-mill little guy, but at least you don't suffer that much either.

I will keep blogging to organize and clarify my thoughts and as writing practice. I love writing.

A loony's two cents.